Silverlake Steps

Rome has the Spanish Steps. Pablo has the Silverlake Steps. His aren't anywhere near Vatican City. They're at the park at the bottom of our hill. And they have a super wide cement railing. Pablo, of course, has taught himself how to hoist himself up on the railing so he can walk up the steep pitch to the top. As we walked home, Pablo wanted to show off his trick to his big bro. As G saw what P was doing, he said, 'I used to do that when I was a little kid too!'

Amazing.

I emailed this pic to Jo Ann with the message 'Look at your beautiful boys.'

It's that simple.

Rated PG

Grady came down the hill to meet us at La Mill Coffee. He's getting so big, he can now hold P in his arms! I'd never seen him do this before. This act of brotherly love made me so happy I wanted to share it with you.

More P @ Park

Here's Pablo, Alan, and his son Sebastian. Alan and his company Filter Marketing masterminded the Pablove / Urban Outfitters / Filter Magazine compilation.

Slim Shady @ The Park

We're at Silverlake Park with Alan and his son Sebastian + Rachel and Clint and their little boy Jonah. Our neighbor and friend James is also here with his lil one, Oscar. It's a gorgeous day - cool enough to stand in the sun without frying.

Here's a pic with P and Jonah, chillin in the shade. Pablo's doing his usual daredevil jumps + all the littler kids are mesmerized. And, yes, he has noticed this + LOVES it!

Gettin Our Heads Together

This is how we roll when we're on two wheels. And for the next hour, our entire family will be rolling thru the car-free bike paths of the Santa Fe Recreation Area in Irwindale, east of Pasadena. I'm sooooo happy to share this experience with Jo Ann, Grady and Pablo. More pix soon.....

Pablegoland

Pablo doesn't forget anything. When he sees something he'd like to add to his play arsenal, he keeps us focused until we take him to the proper store for toy procurement. Today, we had a plan to hit the Lego store at Glendale Galleria after P's X-ray. He wanted a specific Indiana Jones Lego set. Within seconds of walking into the store, he found it. And now he's stoked.

We like that!

On The Loose In San Diego

Pablo and I are takin the train back to LA. With foam sword and wooden pistol in hand, we were ready to rob someone. But the streets of SD are deserted. Forgot how similar their downtown is to Milwaukee.

With no good prospects for robbery, we decided to hit the City National Bank ATM. We pulled out a hundred bucks. Pablo grabbed it from the mouth of the machine. As usual, the dude was robbing me! (Last night he picked three bucks from my right pocket, one bill at a time!) As you can see in this pic, I decided to take the vigilante route and challenged him to give my cash back. We made a deal: he gets to carry my cash - it's 'our cash' now - and he can spend all he wants in the train station gift shop.

OK, time to go check out the ginormous cruise ship in the harbor.

Time to go....

Here's Pablo lounging atop a wall after his final lap in the pool. We're headed to San Diego for more sightseeing. We're searching for a few pirate ships that are hanging out in the harbor.

P and I are taking the train home. We're looking forward to that in a major way.

Life With Pablo

As the misty ocean air cools our skin and cleans the funky LA air out of our lungs, we have easily forgotten that we live 90 miles north of here. Growing up in Milwaukee, I thought Los Angeles and San Diego, both being in California, had identical climates. I've lived in LA for nearly a decade, and it still seems new to me that LA and SD are completely different climates, cultures and topographies. We're about 20 miles north of SD, and the landscape is more like north Florida than the tropical dystopia of LA. There are giant hills to the east of us, covered in all kinds of green stuff, including pine trees and other bushy and leafy foliage—stuff that looks like it was here when ships were made of wood and spices were currency. I look up at those hills and imagine they are seven or eight miles east of the ocean for a good reason, something having to do with protecting the higher land from some eventual rising of the ocean.

I think about these sort of things a lot lately. Not because I am insane, but because my mind is drawn to the natural order of things, and how in everyday life, we walk around and drive around and talk and blast music and check email and miss what's in plain sight. How I miss things that are in plain sight. I'll tell you, Jo Ann, Grady, Polly and I are not missing anything with Pablo right now. Not a thing. We are breathing the same air. We are waking and walking together. We have the same passions, and they are all that of a soon-to-be six-year-old. We have recalibrated our sights to his sights. This kid has quite a pull. He is a powerful soul. He is an old soul, and that explains his throaty little voice. He tells us things and doesn't hold back. He observes. Boy, does he observe! Nothing gets by Pablo's lazer-sharp eyes and ears. And no chemo or radiation or steady series of medical insults has dulled any of his faculties. It's part of what's fascinating about our lives right now. Once in a while (OK, a lot) I stand back from the four or five of us as we sit in a park, or at Legoland, and I think, 'Can you f**king believe that inside this little child there are lumps of chaotic, ugly, unruly cells—cells that act completely + totally opposite of their host, our wonderful, beautiful, happy boy?'

¶ In the hot tub this evening, Pablo told me he wishes we lived here. He went on to tell me he is having a great time and enjoys having the option of three pools right outside our door, and water slides down the block. He talked fast and furious, falling into the speech pattern I've heard him developing for the past couple months. When we are away from medi-land for a long enough, and P has time to get his groove on, he gets his groove on in a major way. He never loses ground. He always makes it up.

When we returned home from Legoland late this afternoon, Pablo and I went into the hot tub. That was swimming session number one. We call them sessions—it's part of our patois, which is mostly a system of rhyming and jiving that Pablo has turned into a phonetic language-making thing that is cute to us and hilariously alarming to other kids. He's around us so much and other kids so little—any kid he ends up playing with hears P rip into one of his rhyming / jiving stanzas, and invariably says, 'What are you saying?' And Pablo just shrugs it off, responding with a 'I'm just making stuff up,' some other mild disconnection from the topic.

I always wonder if kids go back to their parents and report that Pablo was speaking in tongues. Thankfully, all of his friends' parents are our friends, and, like us, are kooks and wouldn't think anything of P speaking in tongues....

Speaking of speaking: Dr M rang Jo Ann's mobile phone at around 10 p.m. (I know: what an incredible man he is, taking time out of his personal life to speak to us about our son.) A few minutes into the call, Pablo walked up to Jo Ann, asked who she was speaking to, and said he wanted to talk to Dr M. He then talked to him about our entire day. When Pablo handed the phone back, Dr M informed her that P had just said more to him in two minutes than he has in the past year.

Those of you who've raised kids from birth to six years old have already been where we are. In the past three or four weeks, P has grown in width and depth. Just like that. As P misses what would have been his kindergarten year, he's made his own world of play, interaction, art, writing, wondering, experiencing. And like a true Castelaz man, talking.... We can't wait to see what it's like for P to enter kindergarten in the fall, at the Oaks. Hooking back up with other children in a formal setting will be a major kick for him.

P's asleep now, in Polly's bed. And we can't wait to hear him talking again in the morning....

Good night. We hope you and your family had a good one.

Imagine

If that tall beast was cancer.... It'd be in big trouble - Pablo's a strong dude, and a helluva swordsman....

Roller Coaster Part 2

Smiles before the frightfest.... Notice who's not in the car! Little P is now fully addicted to the thrill of the coaster...LOVE IT!

Driving Skool

Pablo just got his Legoland driving license. Shiny plastic card in hand, he ran straight for the Lego driving school. Next stop: The Sky Cruiser, a self-propelled roller coaster. Just the kinda thing P + I love to do together.

P + The Momz

In line for The Dragon roller coaster. I gotta get my nerves in line so I can accompany my little boy on his first roller coaster. I can fly down a mountain on my bike at 70 kilometers per hour, but a kiddie ride freaks me out. There are several life lessons at work here I think....

Prince Pablo

We found Castle Hill! This place is amazing! Pablo's wearing a perma-grin.

Legolaaaaaaaand!

Belly Sliiiiiiide!

On his second belly slide of 20, P started giving me a high five as he passed me. This, from a kid who wouldn't go near water by himself three weeks ago! As we were walking back to our room, P outlined our entire morning: 'We'll get up, eat, I'll watch you do a spin class, and then we can go walk out of the gym and I can start going down the slide....'

I like how the kid thinks!

Sliiiiiiiiide!

We just discovered that P can use the water slide! We misread the rules earlier and thought he was too tiny.

Next pic: P on his tummy!

Pablo de La Costa

We've settled in at La Costa. Actually, Jo Ann and Polly did the settling. Pablo and I got trunked and high-tailed it to the kids' pools. P napped half the way here, and he's using his full tank of energy to touch every ounce of water in the three pools at our disposal.

More later....

We Request 3 Minutes Of Your Day, Every Day

Jo Ann sent me a note a minute ago. She asked that I write a post requesting the intentions of all of you, all over the world. Together, the powerful goodness we can generate to help Pablo could rival a nuclear reactor.

From day one of P's diagnosis, we have pursued the western medical path as well as the cosmic/spiritual path. This is how Jo Ann and I live our lives, and how we are raising our children. Today, a year and a week into this game, we are pursuing all medical options and letting the spiritual path lead us. The med path may be over for Pablo. And this is why we request—emphatically—your continued help with the spiritual path. This is the path that we are all able to get on using only what we came into this world with: our bodies, our hearts, our in-built cosmic antennae. Even if you have never considered this aspect of life, please trust Jo Ann and I. It's the real deal.

Enough talk from me. Here's Jo Ann's actual email. I want you to see her powerful, clear words:

Honey, Can you do your magic with words and write a blog post asking everyone to ENVISION Pablo healthy, growing older and living a long healthy life...along with their continued prayers, hopes and best intentions.

I feel like it's important. No more 'sorry.' Just ask everyone to take three minutes out of their day every day to breathe in deep and envision Pablo as the healthy, vibrant, boy, adolescent, young adult, adult, middle aged man and old man that he will be!!!!!!

love love love jo ann

Kidzzz

Eli, Isaac, Nadya, Bruno, Pablo and Thea

Francine shot this beautiful pic of all the kids at her BBQ—part of Pablo's vast army of friends he's growing up with. This photo is special for all kinds of reasons. Look at the life + light in all their faces. They all look so secure, happy, content. I can't stop looking at it. We're friends with the parents of each one of these kids. We are all watching our kids grow up—together, as individuals, as a group. We are all growing (and growing up) as parents, friends, couples.... There could be a hundred kids in this photo, and I'd still feel the same. All of our kids are amazing.

I know today is about honoring those who have fallen in service of the US of A. Can I go out on a limb to say today is also about honor and consciousness? Will you go with me on that?

Hope you + your familia had a great day today.

Good night. We gotta get up early to head on a special trip I'll tell you about tomorrow....

Harry + Pablo

Le finally got these two characters to sit still so we could take a pic. I asked them to 'be serious' in this pic. You can tell Harry's dad is a Thespian - look at that impeccable serious face lol! And you can tell Pablo's papa has no idea how to be serious by the look on his grille!

We had a wonderful time with Harry, Lilly, Krystal and Don. Seeing the boys running wild in the sun, on the sand, was exactly what we needed. The Malibu Country Mart lunch was exactly what we needed. Getting outta Silverlake and connecting with nature and friends - exactly what we needed.

Headed back to the city now. Gonna stop home for a quick regroup before going to Francine's Memorial Day BBQ.

@ The Beach!

Pablo and Jo Ann met P's homie Harry and his family, Krystal and Don and sis Lilly, out at Cross Creek Beach in Malibu. I rode out and met them. The boys had a great time running into the water and playing various home made chase and capture games all over the beach.

Descending

Our gear, ready for the ride down....

Snake!

That's a snake, dawg!

More Bikes

Jo Ann trudged up the mountain road + loved it - look at that smile!

10 Miles Above Los Angeles....

Tree House Living

Here are some pics from Cassiel's birthday party yesterday afternoon. The Blum family lives high up in Laurel Canyon, in a tree house-like residence. They have the coolest mini tree house in the back yard, as you'll see in these pics, shot by Cassiel's mom Tracy. She captured some amazing, sweet moments of our amazing, sweet boy....

Getting help from Papa on the swing...

Air hockey!

Air hockey with Desi as Roman looks on.... These three characters became friends at the Walther School.

Climbing up to the giant tree house...

Descending the tree house ladder—all by himself....

Connect Bike

Alas, a pic of P + I on the bike! This is the famous 'connect bike,' as P calls it.

Cyclismo di Castelaz

Pablo and I are doing our training ride for tomorrow's mountain ride. Don't worry - we'll drive up the mountain, and find a safe, car-free flat spot. And Mommy + Grady will be with us, to ensure lil P's safety.

Today's our first time on the trail bike in a year. Pablo loooooooves to go fast. He loves the feel of the wind on his face. He loves feeling his own power as he pedals.

We stopped at La Mill Coffee for an espresso + hot cocoa. Now we have to make our way back up the hill. It's an 11% grade, and I'm pulling an extra 19.1 kilos of Pablo cargo, plus his heavy metal bici machinery.

Here we go!

Swingin @ Silverlake Park

Pabscars

This afternoon, Dreamworks Animation added a third little bald dude to their trophy case...Pablo!

Thanks to Kelly Demko from Dreamworks Pictures and Justin 'Bumper' Reeve for arranging the tour. Our amazing guides were Brennan Foti and Tracy Lawson. They showed us the entire hugemungous DWA campus, which is across the LA River from Griffith Park. There are 1600 people there - most of whom sit in their offices quietly tapping away at computer keyboards.

How To Train A Dragon

Here's P wearing a Viking helmet from the forthcoming Dreamworks Animation pic 'How To Train A Dragon.'

KFP2

Here's Pablo dropping Bob from 'Monsters + Aliens' onto the model set of an island from 'Panda 2.' Usually, it takes 14 MBAs to make this kind of decision at a studio!

Kung Fu Pablo

For a kid whose new obsession is to kick + punch everything in sight, checkin in on the production of 'Kung Fu Panda 2' is the perfect way to spend a Friday afternoon.

Here's Pablo with William Salazar, the movie's lead animator. He's showing P some hand drawings from 'El Dorado' - back when each second of screen time required 24 hand-made drawings.

I'll keep posting as our tour progresses.

Race!

This pic is misleading - Pablo won the race in the park!

Punchy P

Pablo's making minced meat out of half a dozen stuffed animals. He stopped only to watch the legendary fight scene in 'Blackbeard's Ghost.' His eyes are lit up as he picks up all kinds of new punch + pratfall techniques. Oh s**t! He just wailed me right in the grille! Gotta go....

No Title

Tuesday morning: Pablo in the sites of the X-ray machine at the CHLA day hospital.

Tuesday, Pablo and I arrived at CHLA day hospital at 8:20 a.m. Jo Ann took Grady to school in La Canada, and raced to meet us. We were at CHLA for Pablo's scheduled chest X-ray, and to do the third and final dose of chemo in this round. The chest X-ray comes before chemo on these days, so that Dr M has time to review the image while Pablo is still in the day hospital.

As Pablo was lining up in front the X-ray machine, Jo Ann walked in. If there was an ounce of air in that room, I couldn't find it. Jo Ann and I both looked terrified as the tech pushed the buttons on the machine. Without a lead apron, I stood in the X-ray room so that Pablo wouldn't be alone. Jo Ann stood in her usual position—behind the tech, looking at the monitor. She wanted to see what was up. She always wants to see what's up. No way to wait hours or even minutes for the results. Jo Ann and I have been around the radiology monitors enough to know what a clear organ looks like, and what tumors look like. I saw her face and I knew. What appeared on the monitor Tuesday morning was clearly larger than what we'd seen two or three weeks prior.

Jo Ann called Polly and asked her to come to CHLA right away. We knew we'd be in yet another heavy meeting with Dr M that day, and not just a casual physical exam of our darling little child. I could feel my heart drop into low gear. I could feel my lungs barely moving. I could feel my brain telling my face to look OK, to look happy. Pablo sees our faces. Our lungs and hearts are a bit easier to conceal. Jo Ann looked as concerned and pained as a mother could ever be. She carried this child in her womb for nine months. She did a wonderful job caring for our son in utero, and had a glorious birth. Pablo literally flew out of her like a football on first down. It was a sight to see! Jo Ann is stunningly good at being a Mother. She puts nothing above this privileged job. And both of her sons know it. Her husband knows it. We love our son Pablo equally. I know that. But I also know that Jo Ann carried him inside her. She nursed him until he would no longer take her breast. To this day, Pablo finds the deepest comfort in the world by nuzzling into Jo Ann's bosom.

So you can imagine the depth of Jo Ann's sadness on Tuesday. My sadness was equal to hers, but I did not carry my son in my belly for nine months. This is not a figurative illustration. This is real.

From the X-ray room, we went upstairs to see Dr M. We were told to go to room 571. When we walked in, Jo Ann said, 'We're in the bad news room.' As soon as Dr M walked in, we knew that our casual observation over the tech's shoulder was correct. He told us that the tumors had grown 50%. Our hearts were already pumping the bare minimum amount of blood. Our lungs were already shallow. There was nowhere to fall. We were already on the ground in the bad news room. Dr M knew it.

We did not do chemo on Tuesday. We are not sure that we will ever do chemo again. The new regimen of chemo that we'd been doing was clearly not having an effect on the two remaining tumors in Pablo's lungs. Clearly not killing the tumors in Pablo's lungs. The tumors have grown 50% in the face of toxic s**t that is meant to kill them. But they aren't answering the door. So we stood up, walked out, and took our son to have a CT scan of his chest (for a precise image of the tumors), and an ultrasound of his abdomen (to verify that the original home of his cancer is still clean, and it is). And then we went home. That's Pablo's favorite place.

From that moment, we have been searching the world for the next step in Pablo's treatment. There is a gun to our heads today. The tumors are growing fast. And they are in the lungs. You get it. Dr M will continue to be our guide. He is a compassionate, learned and egoless doctor. He's exactly what we need on this journey. Dr M has been a source of comfort and clarity for the past year. That's one-fifth of Pablo's life. We are searching within CHLA, and without. We have to look everywhere. We are searching western and eastern medicine. We are searching treatments that utilize lazers, rays, prayers, chants, flowers, plants and seeds. All of it. We are pursuing and learning more about the spiritual, natural and nutritional aspects of cancer and how to take guidance on those topics to help Pablo's body use its own resources to kill the cancer. We don't know where the miracle will come from. But we will kill ourselves looking for it.

We are working with an oncological consultant. He, like Dr M, is a hero in our story. These guys are like Harrison Ford and Bruce Willis written personally by Joseph Campbell. Pablo is the kid on the edge of the skyscraper. And Dr M, our new onc consultant and future docs and thinkers are the heroes rushing in to save him. Friends of ours have gifted us the consultant. Amazing. Can you imagine the size of their hearts? Just amazing. The world keeps putting more pavement in front of us. And we keep trucking along. We are lucky. We are in pain and full of questions and fear and anger. But we are using our luck and our faith to purge all of that toxic crap by the minute. Our biggest challenge is to stay in the moment. In the moment, we can face the fight. Future tripping is poison to us.

At the end of all this, there is a question that keeps ringing in my head: What do the cancer cells want? What is the brain telling the cancer to do? And, my favorite: Why?

I want to punch the computer screen. But you already knew that.

Naptime!

I talk a lot about Pablo's penchant for fun. It's fun to do so. And it's how he spends every waking hour. Of course, all that fun requires refueling and resting sessions, like the one you see in this pic.

We've been on the go all day. P woke up this morning just after Mommy and Grady. He literally lifted his head, looked at me, and said, 'Papa, where's Mommy? I'm gonna go upstairs and play.' That's exactly the way life oughtta be for a kid his age.

After G went off to school, P and I played cops n robbers. Yesterday he got three sticks of fake dynamite from a killer toy store in our hood called Ozzie Dots. So in addition to shooting and beating up the robbers a/k/a his stuffed animals and elf baby, we also blew them up with TNT. Gotta say, I felt much more satisfied blowing those guys to bits. It adds a sense of completion to the beating process!

After our morning appointments in Santa Monica, we stopped by our friend Jim Haygood's editing bay. He is editing the new 'Tron' 3D movie and invited us over to see a teaser clip. It was stunning. He had the best, highest quality 3D glasses I've ever seen, and a proper 3D monitor (didn't even know they existed). P and I tossed the specs over our eyes and dove into Tronland. So cool. It was a wonderful counter-balance to P's medical morning.

We are now heading to Liz's Antique Hardware. Pablo saw a skeleton key at one of the offices we were in; he was immediately fascinated and HAD to have one. Liz's is the ultimate LA spot for knobs + hinges + old skool keys. We called to verify they have some loose keys for sale (disappointments are not in our repertoire today) - turns out they have a full supply of keys, starting at five bucks. Not a bad price for organic, handmade, old time happiness.

Tonight, Polly is taking Pablo to a screening of the new Pixar 3D film 'Up.' It opens this weekend. Justin 'Bumper' Reeve from Dangerbird arranged passes for us, so Pablo could see it in advance at Disney's showcase digital theater on Hollywood Boulevard, El Capitan. Another great experience for our little carrier of light and love. LA is filled with 'Up' billboards. It jacks up my heart to hear Pablo scream out in excitement when he sees one.

Workin The Phones

We are home from CHLA and Pablo's workin the phones. He was just on with Peter, who is on tour (in Austin today). Now he's on with Matt, who is behind his desk at Dangerbird HQ. A few months ago, P was too shy to have a full phone convo with someone other than, like, me or Jo Ann or Grady. It's fascinating listening in on his convos.... He just told Matt that when he comes over next they can play. I'm assuming Matt asked what they can play with, cos P just said, 'I have a lot of stuffed animals we can punch.'

Scan Hands

Pablo has been in this machine so many times, he knows exactly what he wants Mommy and Papa to do. He has us hold his hands. That simple source of security, love and presence....

Cat Scan Fever

A year ago, Pablo was mortified of this giant CT donut. Now look at him!

Family

As Susan and Isabella were walking out the door to head LAX, we realized we hadn't taken a family picture the whole time they'd been in LA. So, here it is...sans Grady, cos he was in school.

We had a ton of fun with them. In fact, the combined screams and hollers of Pablo and Isabella set a new decibel record in our house - verrrry loud stuff.

This morning, we are headed to CHLA for chemo and a chest x-ray. More later....

Hand-Painted Pablove

Our new friend Sheryl Northrop gave us a wrapped gift a few weeks ago at the Healing Circle. We opened it today and our jaws dropped. Inside, we found this beautiful Pablove plate, hand-made by Sheryl and her daughter Sarah. It's heavy and I can't stop looking at it. Rory Wilson's ridonkulous Pablove Foundation logo looks so cool painted by hand.

A Present For Isabella

We gave Isabella a present on my bday: a drive by Miley Cyrus' house! She lost her mind. Trust me.

Year Zero

Today is my 37th birthday.

Today is the one year anniversary of Dr Austin finding Wilms' tumors in Pablo's kidneys.

One year ago, I was an hour into an 85 mile ride.

One year ago, Pablo had a bug bite on his tush and was headed to Dr Fleiss' office to have it checked out.

One year ago, Grady was shooting a music video of his classmates' band—his eighth grade graduation project. Jo Ann was producing, Scott Henriksen was the DP.

One year ago, a bike ride and a bug bite and a video shoot all happening on the same day—hours before my bday party—seemed like a lot. You know, 'A LOT,' as we humans are prone to saying. One year on, 'a lot' either has new meaning, or doesn't get used much around here. We either have no room for hyperbole, or we are living in a hyperbolic chamber where stating how 'much' we have going on would be like observing how white a snow storm is when you're teeth-chattering cold in the middle of it. I don't know.

A few minutes ago, Jo Ann and I were talking about Pablo's treatment. She had just served me breakfast in bed, and we were talking about Pablo's treatment. The conversation trailed off and she went upstairs. This trailing off happens a lot. There's no way to have a conclusive conversation about Pablo's treatment. Imagine being engaged in a conversation—an invention, a blueprint for a miracle, a symphony for human cells—for a f***ing year. And imagine each time the conversation starts, wishing that your wishes would do any good. Or that there was a chance the phone might ring with good news. That some laboratory in Antarctica had just found a cure. While we talk, one or the other of us is wishing the 'Candid Camera' crew would jump out of the bushes. For a whole year, we have been wishing that. We still do. Every time I see Pablo's phone-book-thick medical chart at CHLA, I look at it, hoping to find an inconsistency, a mislabeled test result—something to prove they got the wrong kid. It never goes down like that.

While our conversations and wishes can't fix everything, in our hearts we have nothing but faith. It's just that the ground we're standing on is a bit sticky and it's hard to keep our feet moving to that hopeful rhythm in our hearts. We want to, but we get tired. No matter how tired we are, faith still carries us along.

I was at Gelson's grocery store the other day. I am lost and useless in grocery stores. Even when they tell me where to go, I am lost. I have gone to the store more in the past year than in any other year. I have felt more lost in the past year—both in and out of grocery stores—than in any other year. I am a person who searches for meaning in life, and in small things. In the past 365 days I have found meaning—hectares and hectares of it—and I have also found an equal amount of useless, dead, scorched earth. I look one way, and there is a vast, rich plain filled with the 'why' and the 'how' and the 'what.' I look the other way, and there is—it's hard to describe it. I don't want to describe it.

Yesterday was the final day in Year Zero. The coming year can only be better.

OK, I'm gonna go back to having a happy birthday. Promise.

Staring Contest

Shepard and Amanda Fairey's art gallery Subliminal Projects had an opening today. In addition to showing paintings, they had a staring contest - titled HA. The contest excited the Dangerbird crew so much that there was a team bearing our name. The staring contest was a benefit for the Pablove Foundation. The whole place was packed with people wearing HA tee shirts. And the paintings all had insane looking rainbows in them. Pablo was way into it.

We went by to say hello to Hrishi, Rory, Scott and the Studio No 1 crew - Shepard, Amanda and Joycie - and got the 'let's go' request from Pablo after about 15 minutes. It was great to see everyone.

Right now we're picking up Grady at Jimmy's house. While we wait for G to return from the skate park, Jo Ann's picking lemons from the trees in the front yard. From here, we're headed to Dave Cooley's house - he and his girlfriend Candace are having a BBQ. We're gonna do a quick trip thru their party, and get home to cook the dinner Jo Ann prepared earlier. Pablo's diet is now so specific, it's impossible for us to roll into a party and chow down.

After dinner, I've promised Isabella + Pablo that we'll watch a movie. That means I...must...stay...awake...